Crucible

I held you

knowing it would end.

I held you like it never would.

I wished I could have stayed there

stayed there for you.

On your bed that sweet 

afternoon,

wall adorned with pictures

from a you I never knew

You say that you’re fine,

that you’ve always been resilient.

That’s not what the heart

on your sleeve says.

I hope you still dance.

Like you danced for me

Like you did when we were

killing off the blues.

I couldn’t understand beauty

as you were

I couldn’t understand you then,

but I understand you now.

I held you then,

but I can’t hold you now.

There’s an emptiness I never understood

There’s an emptiness I understand it now.

I held you like a crucible

in my unsteady hands.

I held you like a sacrament

without any faith.

I held you like a dying wish

in the cold face of fate.

I held you like a darling boy

holds his mother’s leg.

I held you like a poet holds

the last line of his verse.

I held you like a looming fog

in emptiness.

I held you like a loving grace

holds a sinner’s hand.

I held you like I loved you

from the moment I saw your face.

I held you like it was the last time.